


In the morning there'll be hope

by endlessblu



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Guilt, One Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Redemption, Star Wars: The Old Republic - Shadow of Revan, it's touched upon, recovery from the Incident with the Emperor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25942117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessblu/pseuds/endlessblu
Summary: Today on Rishi, she'd made a difference. She'd saved people. She hadn't realised she'd been saving herself too.Yalla'ra meets with the ghost of her former master on Rishi, and begins the path to redemption.
Kudos: 2





	In the morning there'll be hope

**Author's Note:**

> Based around the Jedi Knight class mission during Shadow of Revan. Much of the dialogue is lifted from the game, directly or paraphrased, as a lead in to exploring her character at that point in the story.

“Everything you've just heard? It's important. Remember it. But...it can wait a little while. There's something I want you to see.”

Yalla'ra whipped her head around, to be met only by the same empty corridor leading from their makeshift base. But the voice had definitely been real. And so familiar...but it couldn't be, surely not again after all this time. 

“Who's there?” she called out, her voice reverberating off the walls of the otherwise empty corridor.

“Follow your feelings, and you'll find it.” A force presence flickered for half a moment before retreating again, as if daring her to give chase. But why now? Why here?

She inhaled, taking slow, deep breaths and bowing her head as she reached out with the force. 

She knew where to go. She didn't know why, or what, but there was something she needed to do.

* * * * * * * *

The house in Raider's Cove was empty, a rare moment of peace amongst the hubbub and constant bustle of the town outside. The silence unnerved her at first, a sharp contrast to the roaring shouts of pirates and screeches of the monkey-lizards that roamed the streets freely in the Cove. 

The room wasn't shabby, but appeared to have gone abandoned and unnoticed in recent months. Furniture was sparse apart from the most basic table and chairs, all coated in a thin, unbroken layer of dust. The jungle of outside had started to take its hold, potted plants and trees extending from their confines to crawl up the walls and spread their leaves, making the room feel smaller than it actually was. 

In appearances, she was alone. But the force swirled around the room with the presence of another. 

“I grew up here, you know. In this house, not just on Rishi. Of course, I was young when the Jedi found me. Don't remember much beyond the walls, a blanket, a few friendly faces...”

A cool blue light started to flood through the room, gradually taking the shape of a man she knew so well. 

“Master Orgus, it _is_ you.” She couldn't help the smile she formed when the face of her old teacher finally emerged. 

“...it seemed as good a place as any for one last visit. Hello, Yalla'ra. It's been a while. Have time for a final lesson from an old friend?” He stood now in the room with her, a ghost fully formed and bathed in a blue light. Warmth emanated from his presence, a sense of safety she'd so rarely known since his death. 

“It's good to see you, Master. You know I'll always listen to any lessons you have to share. But I have to ask, why now? It's been so long since you...” Her sentence trailed away as she tried to fight back the shudder the memory always gave her. She'd tried to forget it ever since, hide it deep down inside where even she couldn't reach, until only flashes remained. 

The one constant had always been her Master, saving her, pulling her out of the darkness. 

“You've been fighting without pause for so long, ever since you set out to defeat the Emperor, or even since you landed on Tython. You've been waist down in dirt and fear and blood. The war's gotten uglier since he fell, and dark times still lie ahead – for the galaxy and yourself. Maybe it does seem like a strange time, but time can always be found when there are lessons to learn. Of course, whether you act on my advice has always been something else, hm?”

“So you've sensed what's ahead?”

“Only a little, but I'm worried you'll forget why you're fighting. Truthfully, I'm worried you might have forgotten already. Defending the Republic, vanquishing the Sith, those are tools a Jedi uses in the service of life, of people – but they're not ends unto themselves.” 

She swallowed and turned away from her master, trying to stop her voice from faltering. “You think I kill out of passion, out of hunger. You think I've embraced the dark side.” The tone of accusation undercut her words even as she tried to avoid it, but she knew they contained an element of truth. 

“I'm not here to scold or tell you how to fight,” he said, his voice smooth and reassuring. “I'm here to help you reconnect. We're going to take some time out to help the people here. The ordinary folks, trying to make their living whilst in fear of guns and pirates. You can do more good than you know. And you'll feel _why_ you're a Jedi.” 

“But Master, I know what you're saying, but it can't be that simple. And I have an urgent mission, the Revanites-” she protested as Master Orgus raised his arms to stop her.

“Always in such a rush, never settling. We won't let the galaxy die because you stop to feed a child, I promise. Trust me, humour your old master, eh? There rarely is a good time, but I know you can't go on as you are.” 

She sighed, trying hard to release her frustrations back into the force. What he said made sense, his intentions were pure, but so many other things needed to be done, and she didn't have the luxury of time in the same way as him. Yet she rarely won these debates with her master, and if he'd taught her anything, it was that there were some battles with him it was better not to pick. He could reach her in a way the other masters never had. A kindness and understanding, a reasoning he offered, that felt less like the lectures the council were all too happy to give when she dared disagree with their ideas. 

And he'd saved her before, after all. Maybe he was right, and she needed saving again. If there was anyone she owed a debt to, anyone who deserved the benefit of the doubt, it was Master Orgus. 

“Okay. Where do we start?”

“There are lots of people without homes on Rishi. Those people are catching Tanamen Fever; on Corellia, they'd cure it for free but here, no one much cares. Apart from you – Doc can treat a person in minutes, you've got a ship packed with food and medicine.”

She nodded. “I understand.”

“Yes, you do,” Orgus smiled. “No Sith Lords or ancient evils this time. Just doing a bit of good.” 

* * * * * * * *

Despite her best attempts to heed her master's words, doubts still crept back into her mind as she left the house. Yet the more she worked, the more those words rang true. 

She wouldn't be remembered for this, she wouldn't get recognition, but since when had that become so important? 

Being a Jedi wasn't about rank and titles, or it shouldn't have been. But being denied the rank of master in such a public way had become a sore point that burned away at her, an undercurrent of bitterness rumbling inside each time she spoke with the council. Her achievements spoke for themselves, and everybody else saw that, so why not them? 

Instead all they gave her were beat downs and admonishments. Constant scoldings about putting her emotions aside, not letting darkness rule her actions. 

They had a point. But she wouldn't admit that when they only lectured her, and never offered solutions to resolve it.

Master Orgus had been different. He'd still been firm of course, but he actually helped her through her mistakes rather than just offering up the same old Jedi platitudes and then calling on her the next time a crisis needed solving with a lightsaber. 

It wasn't that she didn't respect the council, of course she did. But sometimes it was like she was little more than the blade she carried, and they forgot about the person attached to it until afterwards. She was the best fighter in the Order, to the point it came as easily as breathing. She travelled the galaxy without rest, dropping in for the action and leaving before seeing the consequences. 

But as she saw now, there were always consequences. Always people left behind at the mercy of the galaxy. People mattered – ordinary people – not just her enemies. They were forgotten too easily. She had the ability to help them, but she rarely took the time. But they were just as important, if not more. 

Master Orgus was right. She understood now. 

* * * * * * * *

She returned to the house alone, knowing she needed to do this by herself. Her boots were caked in mud and dust from her endeavours, her clothes damp with a mixture of sea water and sweat from her work. And yet, she was satisfied. Even as she'd tried to cast aside her doubts and understand her master's reasoning, she still hadn't expected to find the work so fulfilling. Even the force had brightened around her as she completed those simple tasks, warmer and more comforting than she'd known it for a long time. 

Her master wasn't corporeal, but she could sense his presence in the room as she entered. 

“Master Orgus?”

“You know, when I died – it's still strange saying that – it wasn't my victories that gave me comfort.” The radiant blue light of his ghost began to fill the room, taking the shape of his body again as he spoke. “It was all the faces of the people I'd helped that made the pain forgettable.

“If you last long enough to see the war end, how will you live? How will you find comfort when your time finally comes?” 

She paused, allowing herself the time to think. After defeating the Emperor, she'd given thought to settling down. Running away with Doc, away from the Order, somewhere she could put down her lightsaber and be free from all the responsibilities forced upon her.

But defeating the Emperor hadn't been the end. The war still rumbled on: take down the head and a dozen more threats spring up to endanger the galaxy. She couldn't let herself stop until they were beaten. 

The day's events had allowed her to refocus, reconnect. But how long could it last? A brief respite perhaps, but the war still raged on, and she could never turn her back upon it. 

“I used to think...I wanted to leave my lightsaber behind when the war finished. But ending the Empire won't put an end to the conflict. The struggles won't just disappear, and I have a duty to fight that fight until the end.” 

Her master smiled sadly at her, staring with his sympathetic eyes. “But when there is struggle, hope can still be found. There may still be a path for you to find simplicity. If it's what you want, I hope you find it.

“I've lied to you a little today. It's not just been about reminding you why you fight, though that's important too. But I know there's still an old scar you're trying to hide from. You've tried to forget, but it still aches inside you.” 

“Of course...the Emperor,” she murmured, more to herself than to her master. It made sense now, why he was here. What else? 

“You were under his control for so long. His darkness soaked through to your spirit. You pushed the memories of his training down so deep when you were freed. I can bring them back for you now, I know you're strong enough to handle them – let the light cure them and make you whole.” 

She started pacing across the room, looking anywhere but at her master. Her breathing had become frantic, even her force-sight starting to blur. 

_There is no emotion, there is peace._ She tried to cast her emotions aside, but she'd long struggled to find solace in the code. Feelings always bubbled to the surface too easily before she could ever release them into the force. Such a display was embarrassing in front of her master. 

Was she really strong enough to face those memories? She'd pushed them so far inside, but had never shaken the fear of them. It defined her too much, ruled her actions more than she cared. At times she was barely better than the enemies she dedicated her life to destroying.

No. She mustn't let the Emperor win again. Her master was right. She knew what she had to do. 

“I faced him on Dromund Kaas. I won't fear him in my memories any more.”

“Nor should you. Fear only leads to hate, as I'm sure you know. But today on Rishi, you felt love.”

Light crept into the room, slowly at first, until there was nothing else. Everything came back, all those months lost, flashing through her mind all at once. 

It hurt, all of it. Every fibre of her body, every nerve was on fire, her head ready to burst.

It wasn't just those months. It was everything since. 

The guilt. The hurt. The suffering. 

She saw it all. 

Their faces. Everybody who had lost their lives as a result of her actions. Not just imperials. Jedi, too. Allies from that fateful trip.

Warren Sedoru. She'd broken free of the Emperor, so why couldn't he? But she hadn't given him the chance.

Tol Braga. A part of her held him responsible, too. Putting them through all that, then turning to the dark side. Like it was all for nothing. She couldn't control her feelings when she met him again. But he'd always had so much hope. She could have helped him come back. 

She blamed the Emperor for all that darkness. But hadn't it been a part of her before? There'd been light in Bengel Morr and Praven, but she'd been too overcome with anger to realise it. Sajar, who needed her help, and she'd pushed him closer to the old ways he'd been trying to free himself from. 

But none of that was the worst thing.

That was remembering how _good_ the dark side had felt. 

How it had embraced her like an old friend. How seductive it had been, an electricity coursing through her veins. The power it had given her, unlocking levels of her potential she'd only dreamt of. It had come so easily, been so natural. 

The Emperor had ruled her mind, but had she even needed much persuasion? Was it not the power she'd wanted all along? Had she not been reaching for it again ever since? 

_No._

Not at that cost. To others.

To herself. 

Today on Rishi, she'd made a difference. She'd saved people.

She hadn't realised she'd been saving herself too. 

_Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the force._

Somehow those words made more sense than they had before. 

The light retracted, retreating into her core. The guilt remained, but there was something different from before. Something she'd not realised she'd missed for so long.

Was it hope? 

“I'm...I'm _whole._ ”

“Then it's my time to go,” her master said softly. 

He'd always had faith in her, even when she wasn't deserving of it. He mattered more than he knew. 

“Master Orgus, thank you. Thank you for everything. For training me, keeping faith, saving me so many times. For all you've done. May it bring you peace.” 

“It already has, padawan. You won't see me again, but you won't need to now. You won't be alone in the dark days ahead. The force is with you, always.” 

The force was always there, she just had to remember to listen to it. Reach for it, let it comfort and guide her. Face the darkness in her past, but not let it define her. Dedicate herself to the path of the light. She would make mistakes, but now she would face them rather than hide them. 

There was always room to change. She could make things right.

**Author's Note:**

> I played Yalla'ra as a mostly-but-not-always dark sided knight, but having played a dark side run of the expansions I knew that it would absolutely not be right for her character. And then this mission in Shadow of Revan came along, and it was perfect to start that path of redemption for her. 
> 
> Fic title is from the song 'Someone Purer' by Mystery Jets.


End file.
